A Letter to Remus John Lupin
by Anrheithwyr
Summary: "You're my father, but I don't feel comfortable calling you that. Your name is Remus, but that feels too formal. So I don't know how to begin this letter to you, and that makes me feel as if this will continue on forever. Honestly, I don't even know why I'm doing it. I mean, you're dead. You can't read this-and what do I have to write about? My life is so perfect, isn't it?"


A Letter to Remus John Lupin:

June 16, 2013

Dear…

I don't know how to finish that statement. It remains blank, as it always does. You're my father, but I don't feel comfortable calling you that. Your name is Remus, but that feels too formal. So I don't know how to begin this letter to you, and that makes me feel as if this will continue on forever. Honestly, I don't even know why I'm doing it. I mean, you're _dead_. You can't read this-and what do I have to write about? My life is _so _perfect, isn't it? Nothing to talk about here, is there?

Oh, that's right. You're dead. _That's _right-my father is dead. It's Father's Day, and I've got no one to celebrate it with. I can't even give one of my grandfather's a present, because they're both…_dead_. And I know it sounds selfish of me, and even a little cruel, but I hate you for leaving me. I especially hate you on days like today, when I know everyone else has sent off letters and presents to _their _dads. Who have I got to send a letter to?

Yeah-Harry. I get that he's my godfather, and, yeah, I love him. I mean, the guy is…._amazing_. He's cool to begin with just by being the Boy-Who-Lived. And he really does care for me like I was his son; you really did pick the best person possible for this, Dad. But, he's got his own kids. I mean, he's got James, Albus, and Lily. What's he need with another kid that's not even his? Sure, Harry will _say _it's fine, and that I'm as good as his. But I don't want to be '_as good as_'. I want to have someone who can introduce me _as _his kid. I want someone who can say, 'This is my son, Teddy.'

I'm being irrational, and I'm acting like a teenager, I know. But I can't help it. I _am _fifteen, after all. Aren't I supposed to act this way? (I don't know, Dad. You were never here to tell me.) I can see why Harry doesn't like to hear stories about his parents. He doesn't want to cling to someone else's memories-he wants to make his own. It's the same way for me; I wish I could remember you. I wish I knew what _you _looked like-not some grainy photo of you. I mean you. _You. YOU. _

It's Father's Day, Dad. It's Father's Day, and you're dead. I have spent fifteen Father's Days without you-fifteen Mother's Days as well-and I just don't feel like doing this anymore. I mean, it's not that I'm mad at you, (though, I totally am, just so you know) it's that I don't even _know _you. WHO ARE YOU, REMUS LUPIN?

Were you a decent person? Someone I would be proud of, or someone I'd rather deny? Were you as brave as I heard, or were you a coward, like I fear? Because, as the son of a dead man, all I hear is the good things about you. All I hear is your accomplishments and how you were so great and wonderful. But, I never get to hear who _you _were. What were you like at your weakest? (I know you had plenty of weak moments, seeing as you were a werewolf.) How did you not get married before Mum? Were you really as great as everyone seems to want me to believe?

One day, I'm going to stop being mad at you, I hope. One day, I'm going to stop yelling at you for leaving me behind. Because you and I know you could have stayed behind. You could have let Mum go on by herself. (Personally, I think you were too scared to raise me on my own.) Am I bitter? Yes, absolutely. And, right now, I don't regret being bitter. I'm mad at you, Dad. You left me alone. You left _me _to suffer from what _you _did.

Who do I turn to? Who do I ask for advice from? I hope you know, I used to call him 'Dad'. Harry, I mean. I used to call him 'Dad', and I called Ginny 'Mum'-because, as far as I was concerned, they _were _my parents. I didn't know anyone else existed. But, you know what? Harry was awfully quick to correct me. He was awfully fast when it came to explaining who 'Daddy' truly was.

Trust me, as far as I'm concerned, the title of 'Dad' doesn't go to you. Not yet-you haven't done anything to earn that title. Sure, I'm Teddy Lupin, son of Remus Lupin. You're my Father, but not my Dad. Those are two different things. You're my Father-Harry is my Dad, even if he doesn't want to admit it. He raised me-you died.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, but I'm fifteen and I'm angry.

I'm fifteen, and I just want my Dad for Father's Day.

Your son,

Teddy


End file.
